


Talking to the Moon // Oikawa x Reader

by illumis_cumdumpster



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Aobajousai, Death, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fanfiction, Forbidden Love, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Listened To Bruno Mars While Writing This, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I cried while writing this, I'm sorry for writing this, Love, Mentioned Kageyama Tobio, Moon, Past Character Death, Regret, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Tags Are Hard, Tears, Tissue Warning, Tragedy, True Love, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26046019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illumis_cumdumpster/pseuds/illumis_cumdumpster
Summary: Oikawa Tooru longs for his girlfriend, (L/N) (Y/N).
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	Talking to the Moon // Oikawa x Reader

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: SLIGHT MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

In the starry night, the moon throws out a tender gleam through the window, showering the room with the little moonlight it could give. Sitting by the window sill, Oikawa Tooru admires the moonbeam that was right before his glossy eyes.

"I know you're somewhere out right there, (Y/N)." He spoke as he swallows the lump in his throat. He inhaled deeply, smelling the faint scent of her perfume that he sprayed little on his shirt, as the bottle was running out of its pleasant-scented liquid.

It had been like this ever since _she_ left. To sit by the window every night and talk to the moon as if it were her were all he could ever do after _that._ He knew she was out there, listening to him. Only she and Iwaizumi knew and could read him like the back of their hands. While the public didn't know of the mask he wears and not even the tip of the iceberg, she could read him like an open book.

Just after eating ramen, playing with his fellow teammates, and walking home with Iwaizumi, he came home to a sobbing mother clutching her phone with shaky hands. After being told of what happened, he sprung to her house and there she was, lifeless, and embraced by her mother who was on her knees.

_It felt like a slap in the face when he saw no more of the life in her eyes the same day he lost to Karasuno High._

He remembered it very well, from the distant voice of her father trying so hard not to sob loudly, to the details of her face and the feeling of her cold body as he held her tight in his arms. 

Ever since it happened, he couldn't get out of his room, as everything reminded him of her. Every time he does, all he could see was the couch she used to sit on, the dinner table she used to sit in front of as she ate with him and his family, the door where she used to walk through, the kitchen where she used to make food in every time he was sick, the floor she used to stand on- every furniture reminded him of her. 

He didn't even attend her funeral. He couldn't bear to see his beloved girlfriend being brought 6 feet below the ground, when it was only a few hours before his match at the Spring Tournament that she was standing before him, kissing him good luck and apologizing that she, their manager, couldn't watch for she had _errands_ to run, so she had to go back home.

Tooru felt ashamed of himself for not noticing it sooner. How couldn't he see the sadness and longing in her eyes? Why didn't he pay any mind to the hug that lasted for an eternity and the uncountable _I'm sorry's_ and _I love you's_ she muttered as she held him tight _for the last time?_

He couldn't focus on volleyball and his academics after that. Tooru couldn't even look at any other girl, and the annoyance was more evident on his face every time his fangirls would swarm over him, as they were part of the reason she's gone. He wouldn't even entertain them. The only thing his eyes could ever stare at was the door and the empty seat beside him, hoping she'd barge in the room and sit beside him, giving him his usual milk bread and box of milk, she was close with Tobio, her cousin, after all.

Tooru stares at the scenery before him, now alone, hoping to see her walk down the street and wave at him. He stares, _waiting for her to come back to him._

"Today was very tiring, (Y/N). I had to practice all over again. Iwa-chan's been telling me to get a grip on myself and get my shit together, but I can't. It feels weird that we no longer have a manager. I mean- we never really had one but you, now that you're gone, it felt similar yet so different. The team brought me to that Chinese ramen restaurant, but I can't even bear to look at it. How the hell am I supposed to eat when now it's Kindaichi on my right and not you? No matter how far I look, even if I look around and outside the restaurant, you're not there." He sighed, his eyes still locked on the moon.

"Remember the time I met Blanco? When I told you we'll go to Argentina and live there to continue my volleyball career? I'm not so sure of it now. I lost to Shiratorizawa many times, to Karasuno, and now I lost you."

"What does the afterlife look like? Do you also have buildings and schools? Do you get to continue on with your lives there? Do you have gardens? Are there still volleyball matches there?" He tilts his head in wonder.

"Do you still sit outside and watch the moon just as how you used to with me?"

A faint smile dances across his face as he reminisces about how they used to sit on his window sill, with her head on his shoulders and his head leaning on hers as they admire the moon. He remembered very well how her eyes would light up that the stars would be put to shame every time they talk about planets and aliens. Now he couldn't even bring that topic up with anyone else, not even with Iwaizumi.

He could still remember every single thing about her, and it had only been a month since she left. He could still remember the feeling of her lips, the scent of her shampoo, the softness of her hair as he runs his fingers through it. What he didn't want to remember was the coldness of her body when he held her, he wanted her warmth. He didn't want the lifeless look in her eyes, he wanted them with joy and hope.

He didn't want her lying in that casket underground, for he wanted her beside him, on his bed, with his arms around her and hers around him as she listens to his heart beating only for her.

"Why did you do it, (Y/N)? I read your letter. You knew how I had my downs as well, how anxious and insecure I am, that's why you didn't tell me about what you were going through. That was stupid, you know I'd always be here for you. I thought we were supposed to help each other? You know how crazy I am for you, I would have set aside my bullshit for you. You know how ambitious I can be, I wouldn't have stopped helping you until you're okay. Why didn't you tell me?" He quietly says, glancing down at the shirt he was gripping that once belonged to her.

"You were always there, putting up with my shit. You never complained, and gave me the comfort I needed, while I didn't do anything with yours. I'm sorry I didn't notice, I should've been there for you. I'll never be able to forgive myself." He quietly sobbed.

Just a minute later, he heard a knock on the door. "Tooru? It's been 3 hours, you haven't eaten yet." He heard his mother outside. "I-I'll eat later, I'm not hungry yet," he replied. "A-Alright, dear. But please keep your promise to go out tomorrow, okay? Get some sunlight tomorrow, you've been getting paler and skinnier. If you need me, I'm right here, okay?" His mother said before the sound of her footsteps faded.

Everyone noticed the changes, how he lost the spark in his eyes, how he tried so hard to practice but only ended up getting distracted, how he couldn't look or talk to another female, how his smile turned upside down, and how he lost the flirtatious and happy facade. His fangirls tried to bring him gifts, cards, and photos of him and (Y/N), but he only ended up throwing them, save for some pictures of her, and the both of them that some fans secretly took. Nonetheless, they looked beautiful.

"Why did you leave me, (Y/N)? I want you back so bad, please. I'll do anything, I'll ignore all the girls, I'll stop playing volleyball, I won't be mean to Tobio-chan anymore, I'll stop acting so competitive with Ushijima, I'll stop being so dramatic and childish if you please just come back to me. That'll be the last time I'll ask from you, I'm going to stop being so dependent and needy, just please, let me feel your touch again." He cried, clutching the shirt close to his face as if he was praying with it.

They only know of what happens in the morning. They've seen it, how silent he was, how emotionless and empty he looked, how he looked like he was bottling everything up. He'd stay late and practice his serves, trying so hard to forget about her, at times he'd literally forget she was gone that he'd be surprised to not see her outside the gym after locking it.

And that's when it all starts to sink in.

When he was silent and angry in the morning, he was weeping and longing for her in the evening. Even sleeping doesn't bring peace to him, for all he dreams about is her. Some days were good, where he dreams about eating with her, or just walking to school and feeling her hand wrapped around his, while some were bad. The memory of her colorless face and lifeless eyes haunts him and will continue to.

Maybe they were not meant to be, just characters that fate decided to play and mess around with. He knew that maybe they weren't for each other, or maybe they were, and that fate was just being a bitch. He knew that someone out there was waiting and would be willing to fix him. _'Fuck that, she can die waiting for me. I only want (Y/N),'_ he scoffed, dismissing the thought of somebody else doing things to him that only she can. He knew that without her, he will never be at peace.

Only at night by the window sill does he feel tranquility embracing his distressed heart, for that's where he sits, now alone and without her, and admire the starlit sky,

as he talks to the moon, hoping to get to her.

**Author's Note:**

> Mini Playlist:  
> Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi  
> It Will Rain - Bruno Mars  
> Mundo - IV of Spades  
> Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars
> 
> (Play in slowed)


End file.
